Saturday, April 4, 2009

Dear grocery store checker who asked me if I was pregnant,

I just wanted want to take the time to respond to your question properly, since I couldn't quite find the words to express what I was feeling when you originally made your inquiry on tuesday.  I am not, in fact, having a baby, but I wanted to thank you for pointing out my apparent weight problem. It's really touching to know that complete strangers are that interested in my reproductive status.  Perhaps this is a hobby of yours.  Perhaps you are just jealous.  Quite frankly, from the looks of it, I would say that the only thing your ovaries will be producing in the near future are bb's, or maybe small rocks of crack cocaine.  I will certainly use this opportunity to reevaluate my wardrobe as well; maybe it's time to lose the generously cut Old Navy henley and trade up to something a little more form fitting, maybe involving lycra.  That way there would be no question.  Unfortunately I am at a bit of a disadvantage, as the Meth Chic of which you are so fond has not yet made its way into my part of Bothell.

I wish you all the best, and good luck with those teeth.

Sincerely,

Michaela

No comments:

Post a Comment