Top 5 Things On My Mind Today:

1.  Laminate countertops are basically made of laminated paper.  I can't decide if I think this is funny or ominous.

2. If you don't use an entire vat of butter flavor Crisco within a year, green and brown mold grows on the edge of the vat.  

3.  If you do use an entire vat of butter flavored Crisco within one year, you are probably in denial.  Or live in the south.  Or at my house.

4.  Hair Removal Creme smells disturbingly like Perm Solution.  Think about that for a minute.  Imagine what could go wrong (in either case).

5.  King County has nothing to do with the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Junior.  Why is his face everywhere?  Which intern came up with that one?  Did she go to Ballard High School?

Dear grocery store checker who asked me if I was pregnant,

I just wanted want to take the time to respond to your question properly, since I couldn't quite find the words to express what I was feeling when you originally made your inquiry on tuesday.  I am not, in fact, having a baby, but I wanted to thank you for pointing out my apparent weight problem. It's really touching to know that complete strangers are that interested in my reproductive status.  Perhaps this is a hobby of yours.  Perhaps you are just jealous.  Quite frankly, from the looks of it, I would say that the only thing your ovaries will be producing in the near future are bb's, or maybe small rocks of crack cocaine.  I will certainly use this opportunity to reevaluate my wardrobe as well; maybe it's time to lose the generously cut Old Navy henley and trade up to something a little more form fitting, maybe involving lycra.  That way there would be no question.  Unfortunately I am at a bit of a disadvantage, as the Meth Chic of which you are so fond has not yet made its way into my part of Bothell.

I wish you all the best, and good luck with those teeth.

Sincerely,

Michaela